Acting Proactively vs Reactively

Some introspection in last few weeks got me to what I am writing right now. I am writing this in the middle of my mid-terms and thus, this might not be the best of ideas, but here I am. So the title is borrowed from something I very often say about football, Playing proactively vs. playing reactively. Sadly enough, I am writing about something much more important than just a football match.

So my issue with whatever I am doing is how I am dealing with it. I feel, and that very strongly that I have been doing everything reactively. I do things because I am supposed to and not because I want to. I do a problem set because it is due in a few days. I do one question after another because it appears on the problem set. It is not that I am not getting any work done, but it is just that, getting something done. And this is not how I would want my college life to be. As I understand it, this is the time for me to delve into a variety of stuff. Not just react to whatever I am faced with.

Also, I do value the ability to get work done if it needs to be, even if I don’t like doing it. But, this is not the case with me. The courses I am doing are stimulating. All physics course. Exactly like I would like them to be. But the fact is, I am still not going out and doing that bit of the work to gain a deeper understanding of whatever I am learning. I am not putting in those hours I like to put in about the history of how something came about in Quantum Mechanics. Or inquiring about what is the deeper meaning and application of the stuff I am learning in Mathematical Methods. History of Science and Maths is something I like in particular.

In addition to this, I did not do well enough in the exams either. And that has to do with how much effort I have been putting into everything. I am sure this rant is not because of my performance in the exams, but I would feel the same regardless of my performance in exams. I have been presenting myself with excuses about how I have been busy with academics and extra-curricular activities all the time, but I know that not to be the case. The truth is, I have been wasting a lot of my time just scrolling through the infinite feed on my phone. And I do catch myself doing that more than often.

First off, it is not that I have just realized it. I have made efforts to stop myself from staring at my mobile screen for minutes even hours for long. And the fact that I still am not able to solve the issue demonstrates the fact that the problem is bigger than I think it is. I use things like Space to keep track of how much time I spend on my phone. Though it helped in the beginning, it is all the same now. I also use tools to block newsfeed on my web browser. Just like before, this too helped in the beginning, but now I search for the specific pages and groups I want to check or worse, do it on the phone, where I don’t have anything to block the newsfeed. These hours of the day are the most unproductive of all. I believe this time of my life should be spent in exploring the avenues of growth I have, not scrolling past what an algorithm gives me.

I can blame the continuous internet connection and the array of notifications it brings or the addictive apps and the way they are designed to have you hooked, but I know none of that shall work, it can’t. Because with or without all this, I find myself scrolling through Newsbytes or Medium. The issue is not with any product. Though it is true that they are designed to be addictive, I know who is in the driver’s seat, Me.

I can’t completely turn myself away from social media just yet. I am an editor at Vox Populi, and I have to make myself available through Facebook. But what my involvement with Vox necessitates is my availability, not me wasting time on other stuff. So I am going to reduce the time I spend on Facebook to a bare minimum. Though after my tenure ends at Vox, I intend to disconnect from Facebook for once and for all.

Meanwhile, I know where to invest the time I regain. I am doing a wonderful project as Undergraduate Project (UGP) at IITK, and I would like to figure out my work more profoundly and thoroughly. I also intend to read other non-academic books. I am skeptical about my abilities at doing the 52 books challenge (a book a week), so I’ll get myself to read one books each month. And hopefully, post about them on here if I like them. I also have the audio-books available for a lot of them, but I would prefer to stick to the traditional way as I want my reading to be an active task and not a passive one. And I want to read them, strolling through each page and not listening because one chapter plays after the another. I want to be in command, of the book and my days.